I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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