I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
