Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just cropdusted the office
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
