I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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