i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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