If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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