Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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