I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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