Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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