I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
