I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
