after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
