Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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