At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
