his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
