I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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