Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
