Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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