I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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