I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it's great music for shaving your balls
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
