nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
