Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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