So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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