when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
