Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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