So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
