I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
