Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
soo... how was my night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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