Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was born a porn star she said
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
