All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
