I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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