I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
