If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
