there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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