My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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