Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I want a musical about memes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
