she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
