i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
operation have a gay friend backfired
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
