I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
