How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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