Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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