That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize