I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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