Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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