when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
