Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
