Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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