Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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