you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Text me some of your sweat
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
