A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
