Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
