I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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