Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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