I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
