She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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