you didnt know i had herpes?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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