Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
