dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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