I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
