i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
