i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize