I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize