batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
