nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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