Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
