im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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