remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
