Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
