Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
