cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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