why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
