My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
