is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
