whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
