i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
