I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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