we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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