i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
