you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
